Currently Watching United 93 (Widescreen Edition) By J.J. Johnson, Gary Commock, Polly Adams (II), Opal Alladin, Starla Benford see related

So, i'm feeling like it might be about time for this xanga to retire.  It has lived a long, full life, and i think it would really enjoy vacationing in australia.

I'm also feeling like I might be sick, but I am in denial because i have far too much to do in the next two weeks to allow that to happen.  Possibly staying up until 5:30 this morning was not a good choice.  Although, it wasn't entirely intentional.  But I'm thinking that slinging puppies around in my mildly incapacitated state might not be terribly fun at work later.  So yeah.

I broke up a cat fight outside my house last night.  I felt terribly diplomatic, I just walked over and talked to them both until they realized how silly they were being and walked away.  I made an excellent hero.  In my opinion.

The river is quite possibly my most favorite place in the world.

Of course, i haven't seen terribly much of the world.  So maybe i should say that it's my favorite place of the teeny parts of the world that i have seen.

I don't understant people that never travel.  It seems ridiculous to be placed on this diverse planet for a limited amount of time, and not try to see all of it.  In fact, the other day i got quite upset, because i realized that it was not physically possible to visit every country of the world.  It seems tragic to me to die not having seen everything that there is here.  Oh well.

There is something about going away that makes you suddenly realize exactly how you feel about people.  It is very odd.

So maybe, if i get some sleep, i won't feel like i am dying anymore...?

~ariel

"He's not getting anything else."

Currently Listening Chutes Too Narrow By The Shins see related

I am about to blow your mind...

I, Ariel, am about to write a short post.

Amazing.  I know.

I am so incredibly hyper at the moment that I think short would be good.  If i keep going I will just annoy myself and others.

This week at work was good.  But having tomorrow off is even better.

I really really like pit bulls.  Especially one named Charlie Brown.  No matter what others may have to say.

I told my boss i loved her today.  And that's when it got awkward.

But she brought us a new vacuum cleaner, and i was seriously delighted.

Free pizza in the breakroom is also excellent.  Especially if you take 4 pieces.  A little much, i know.  But i figure, i work my butt off for that company, and they owe me some darn free pizza every now and then!

And apparently using a vacuum attatchment to suck your skin into weird shapes is not a normal thing to do.

Neither is eating dog treats.  Who knew?

I have come to the conclusion that i am seriously going to miss that place.

Even though not having to work will be delightful.

And there are some things that i hate, like listening to ozzie get thrown in the freezer.

And buckshot eating my leashes as well as my arm.

But it's all good.

So, I guess this isn't a very short post, actually.

I guess I didn't blow your mind, after all.

That's probably healthier, anyway.

~ariel

"Most animals do not like to be vacuumed."

What is it about change that always makes us look back?  It's like, we have no idea what the future holds, so we look back at where we've been.  And see all of the changes that we've gone through, and how we handled them.

I feel like the last two months have been extremely nostalgic for me.  As I'm planning on going to college and moving to Indiana, all I can think about is the past.  It's weird.  I guess I'm looking forward, too.  There are things i'm excited about, and things that I'm terrified of.  But I think it's somehow much safer, much more calming, to think about the past, because I know what happened then.  Although, considering how upsetting some of the past is, maybe it's not that much better.

And it's strange, thinking about how much I've changed, and yet realizing how very much I have stayed the same.  I feel like a completely different person than I was when I started high school and junior high.  But last night, I had this moment where I was just in seventh grade again, and all of the memories and drama and problems came rushing back.  You'd think that I would be over a lot of that by now.  You'd think.

Sometimes, I am just in shock at all of the things that have happened in my life.  I feel like I should be in a book or a movie; these things don't actually happen to real people, do they?  I realized that I've been through some pretty crazy stuff (contrary to what this shallow xanga may imply).  But then I also realized that in the grand scheme of things, my life has just barely begun.  A lot of people say that they consider their life starting in their early twenties, or around when they started college.  They say that none of the stuff before was that significant. 

With all due respect, I have to disagree.  I think that the stuff that happens in high school and before, no matter how drama-ish and stupid, or even good, counts.  I realize that it's probably not surprising that I am saying this, since I have never known anything else.  But when I have been at college for a year, and have had some practice being 'a real person', I want to remember this, and be able to look at high schoolers and still consider them important.  I don't like the idea of approaching anyone with the attitude that their life doesn't count yet.

But at the same time, I do believe that a lot of people really 'come into themselves' in college.  I think it is a crucial time, when we are all young and stupid and busy deciding who we are, or at least, who we want to be (which is not always the same thing, in my opinion).  Helen Keller once wrote about her birthday, which wasn't terribly important to her.  But she then wrote about her 'soul's birthday', the famous day at the water pump with Anne Sullivan, the day that the world was opened to her.  I think that is a beautiful concept.  And then it makes me wonder what my soul's birthday is, or if I have even had it yet.  I think a lot of people have their soul's birthdays once they're in college.  Although for most of us, I don't believe the date is as obvious as it was for Helen Keller.  We have the handicap of being distracted by all of our senses; things aren't as clear to us.  But whether it is a gradual transition, or a moment of clarity, it is probably the most important change in our lives.

College should be interesting.  I am looking forward to watching everyone around me (as well as myself) growing into their colors, and discovering their soul's.  I have a feeling that this process could be painful, but rewarding.  I sincerely hope it works out well for everyone.

~ariel

"I would so not be okay with being burned at the stake."

"I don't really think most people are."

Currently Listening Absolution By Muse see related

hmmm, how nice.  someone from the district of columbia has read my xanga.  what an honor.

if anyone from australia is reading this right now, i send a warm welcome to you.  could you send me a postcard? and maybe a few baby kangaroos?

ha ha.  sometimes i think i forget that everyone on the internet does not live in ohio.

imagine, if you lived in hawaii or alaska or some astounding place like that.  do you think you would still get that shock from the beauty every time you looked out your front window, or do you think it would become as mundane as parking lots are to us?  (nothing against parking lots; i actually rather like them, but you know what i mean).  i almost think that i wouldn't want to live in a place like that, because i would become immune to it.  and that would be terrible, and i would  become most seriously displeased with myself the moment i figured it out.  so possibly it is good for my mental health and self esteem that i live in ohio.

or so i tell myself, considering i have no other options at this point.

can i ask a random question?  how do you all feel about divorce?

okay so i know that sounds odd.  but really, do you think it is better to stick it out with someone that you hate, or is it better to split up?

i must honestly say that recently i have been leaning towards the latter option, myself.

last night i fell asleep on the couch with my contacts in and all the lights on and everything.  then i woke up at about 2 am and had no idea what the crap was going on.  it was very disorienting.

have you ever had someone tell you something that totally surprised you, and yet at the same time as soon as they said it you realized that you had known all along, and everything finally makes sense?  i feel like this has been happening a lot in the last 2-3 weeks.

i have many many more thoughts dancing jigs inside my head, and it is very difficult to sort through them at the moment.  does anyone else ever have trouble with that?  deciding which thoughts to speak on, and which ones to save for later, which ones to try to drown, and which ones to lock up inside.  Although i feel like if you have one big thought that you're trying to lock up, then other little thoughts get caught in with that one big one.  like, if you're keeping a secret, it is much easier not to tell anyone anything.  and if you force yourself to tell people important things, then it becomes much more difficult to be secretive.

i feel like that entire paragraph possibly did not make any sense to anyone besides me.  but that's okay.

why do people never believe me when i say how i am feeling?  it's like, they think that i should feel like that, or think like that, or say things like that, so they tell me that i don't really think that at all, i am just being a silly little girl.  it makes me a teensy bit angry.

so i feel like this is the most random and pointless entry, and it didn't really talk about any of the things that i want to talk about, but those thoughts are locked up at the moment, so that's not going to happen.

and in my defense, i am very tired.  i keep falling asleep randomly.  it's sort of weird, i have never been able to do that before.  but i am very tired, so i don't really care so much.  except for when my mother keeps coming and talking to me while i am sleeping.  that is not okay.

maybe it's time for some sleep again.  it's ridiculously early, but i am working tomorrow.

or maybe i'll stay up for another 3 hours or so.  whatever.

~ariel

soo...i have a really great quote that i have been giggling about all week, but i suddenly realized that it might upset some people if i put it on here.  so...

i guess we'll have to go quoteless for today.  sorry, peoples.  i'm sure your world is shattered.  i know mine was.

Currently Listening Ocean Avenue By Yellowcard see related

2 run-ins with the police in one week-on opposite sides of the law.

male songwriters seem to have an obsession with long brown hair.  not on themselves, that is.  on girls.  it's odd.  i've just noticed references to long brown hair in several songs recently.

so yes, i'm home, and full of deep insights as always.

i'm very tired right now, so what i write will likely not make much sense when i rush to read it tomorrow. 

the mission trip was...interesting.  something dramatic happened nearly every day.  day one, carla cut her foot pretty badly on some sharp air conditioning ducts.  day two, andrew c. fell of a four foot high wall and landed on his face.  day three a kid stole the keys to the convent and was stealing all of our cell phones (including mine).  for a while we thought someone in our group was the thief, and they searched all of our bags.  eventually, they caught the kids who were still in the building, we called the cops, and we got all of our stuff back.  the really funny part was the kid took a picture of himself on my phone, and set it as the wallpaper.  so that was interesting.  we had an amazing conversation with one of the boys (they were 14 and 17) who sort of got dragged into the whole thing.  day four, carlissa passed out in the shower, janie found her and thought she was murdered, had a panic attack, everyone ran around freaking out and calling  911, the paramedics took her away and she wound up being fine.  later that night i was looking out the window and thought i heard someone breaking in, but it turned out it was probably a tree branch being ripped down, still not really certain what was going on there.  and then thursday we came home.  thursday was definitely a day for remembering old times.  but nothing tragic happened.  so that was boring.

oh yeah.  thursday andrew conked himself on the head with a drill, as well as puctured his arm with the bit.  and catelyn had a ladder? dropped on her ankle.

but i think my favorite parts of the trip were staying in a convent (i got to dance in the rain in the courtyard and splash in puddles and pretend i was a nun.  it was thrilling.  the building was beautiful.); having adventures in the van with steven; talking with robert (kid who didn't take our phones but got in trouble anyways, i felt terrible for him); hanging out with the coolest kid ever named tyler, he's four years old, and all he wanted to do all week was be pushed on the swings (all the other kids kept threatening to beat him up, and i had to run them off, and now i'm worried about leaving him there); blowing bubbles in front of the fan so they filled the hallway, hanging out the window with no screen and singing; ringing the dinner bell at random times and annoying everyone; small group because we always took a couple of hours; digging up pipes that were obscenely deep in the ground with zak and j-rod; and meeting this cool old lady who loves dogs and randomely asked me if i was getting married. 

but i think maybe i'll shut up about it now because i don't figure anyone really cares all that much about a trip that they didn't even go on.  so yeah.  it was good and bad.  and i'm just really, really glad to be home.  which is not something i say all that often.

so on friday, i innocently hop in my car and start driving to hannah's house.  i'm trying to be extra careful, because i know that the cops will really be patrolling since a holiday is coming up.  everything is cool until i get on the highway, when i suddenly notice that i keep getting these spots on the windshield.  my first thought was that a flock of birds was flying over, so i immediately closed my sunroof.  but the spots just kept coming, and they didn't look quite right, and then there are like fifty of them blocking my view of the road.  so i decide to clean my windshield, which i soon found out is not a very good idea when you are going seventy miles an hour.  so i got off on the next exit, and drove a little ways until i found a residential area to park my car in.  so then i hop out and try to figure out what the heck is wrong with adam (my car).  so i go in front and i'm looking at my front grill and hood, and i realize that there are bees, or some sort of nasty flying insect, plastered all over the front half of my car.  apparently, while i was out of town and my car was just sitting for almost a week a family of bees moved into the engine and grill.  i had noticed them swarming just a little bit when i started the car, but for some reason didn't really think anything of it.  and everything was fine until i got on the highway, where the high speeds cause them to come flying out of all the little holes and splatter across my windshield; thus, the spots.  so this, of course, was not okay.  i called my dad, but he didn't really know what to do, either.  so i decided that most of them were probably dead, and i could probably drive to hannah's.  so i get back on the highway, but then suddenly my contacts started itching and watering like crazy, they've really been bothering me this week.  so i can't see because of my stupid eyes.  but i'm still trying to be careful because my mom said that the cops would really be patrolling because it's almost the fourth of july.  so i manange to get to hannah's house, and we spray bugspray into my engine, and then let it sit for a while. 

so then for some reason at about 8:20 we decide that it would be a good idea to go to the library.  the thing is, the west chester library closes at 8:30.  it is, however, just down the road a little bit.  so we decide to go.  hannah can't drive, because her eyes are messed up.  my eyes are feeling much better, and adam is appearing insect-free, so we hop in adam and drive away.  so i'm sailing along on Cox road at 53 in a 35 (so maybe i'm dyslexic, alright?) although i really wasn't going that much faster than anybody else, when hannah says 'um, ariel, there's a cop'.  and, of course, he pulls me over.  and only asks for my license and insurance card.  so i totally messed up and gave him my registration, too. and he's like, what is this? i don't need this...  but i don't get it, because they always ask for your license, registration, and proof of insurance.  but anyways.  so he trots on back to his cruiser to peform the lovely task of giving me my first speeding ticket, and we sit in the car with two minutes until the library closes.  the realy sick part of the joke was that we could see the library.  it was right there.  closing.  augh.  and we are sitting there, and i say  'so... this would be a really bad time for the bees to come back'.  and we both have a really good laugh about that, until we both saw something flying.  i had this sudden image of a swarm of bees attacking the cop, while he hopped around.  unfortunately for the entertainment value of my story, however, that was the last we saw of the bees. 

so anyways, i got a ticket.  yuck.  luckily, my parents didn't seem that mad.  but now i am incredibly ashamed of my crappy driving abilities, and i drove all the way home at about 5 mph under the speed limit.  the whole thing was a bit stressful.

so i guess that's about all the excitement in my life right now.

~ariel

"he was like the orphan from hell."